My husband Finley and I reached a new milestone for us yesterday. We were married on May 12th, 2001. My childhood pastor and spiritual father married us and then we followed it up with a pretty awful reception. We were some of the first of our friends to get married so we had no idea what made for a good time of year, wedding decor or reception. We just knew that we wanted to be together. So we got married & have been figuring it out ever since.
In a lot of ways, I was scared of marriage but a fan of being loved. My parents marriage didn't last and I still feel the pain from my family of origin. It shaped my view of myself, my ideas about being a wife, and my ability to connect. But grace won out.
Fast forward to today and I believe more than ever that it is by grace my marriage has made it 20 years. I know that many people hope they have a love that lasts. It is definitely possible. It is not a guarantee though.
Finley and I have some plans for a more comprehensive video in the future. I'm sure it'll be something like "20 lessons from 20 years of marriage." He likes to name things like that. In the meantime, here are a few things I've learned that you need to make marriage work...
Some marriage truths that I have come to believe...
- You can't change the other person. You can only learn and grow into the person that you need to be for them.
- Your spouse can't and won't meet all your needs. Don't expect them to be your everything but your partner instead.
- Guard your marriage. Don't let another person, hobby, bitterness, or fatigue get in the way of connecting.
- Kids are wonderful, but they change the home. Fight the urge to make them the center of your relationship.
- The sex gets better the longer you're married. There are weird and challenging seasons for intimacy, but a healthy sex life creates the deep bond that all couples desire.
- Find your favorite ways to connect and chase them passionately. Food. Travel. Business. Sports. Service. Whatever you love to do together, lean in hard.
- Don't put off counseling. We probably should have gone around year 7 and definitely at 10, but we waited till 2 years ago. Pay the money. Find a great counselor. You need it.
What's the best marriage advice you'd share with someone if you had the chance? Reply back to me or post in our Tribe Community!
Cheering you ladies on no matter what season of life you are in!
- Brooke 💙