I was praised for self-silencing & applauded for shrinking

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Hi friend,

For most of my life, I lived up to being a Good Girl.
Not because I was naturally quiet or compliant — I was actually wild, brave, loud, and full of fire.

Every room taught me something about who I was “supposed” to be — as a daughter, as a woman, as a wife, and especially as a Christian.

And I followed those rules so well
that I forgot I had a voice.

The culture that raised me didn’t always feel like freedom

Purity Culture, Christian Girl Culture, Pastor’s Wife Culture — whatever you want to call it — taught me things that never matched the God I actually felt close to.

I was praised for self-silencing.
I was applauded for shrinking.
I was told my body was a threat.
I was taught desire made me dangerous.
And I carried shame like a second skin.

I don’t think anyone did this maliciously.​
But it was in the water.
Everywhere.

And if you grew up like I did…
I know you felt it, too. 💗

Because so many of you have told me — at the gym, at the grocery store, on dog walks — that your faith is shifting too.​
Not breaking.
​Transforming.

When I tried to open up about my faith changing…

Some Christian women couldn’t relate.
Some couldn’t hold space for it.
Some even shamed me — the same way I had been taught to shame myself. 🫩

Tankinis as a pastor’s wife? Too much. 👙
Strong body? Too distracting. 💪🏼
Honest questions? Too rebellious. 🤔

It felt like there was no room for me — not my body, not my voice, not my questions, not my real life.

And the hardest part wasn’t losing belonging.
It was realizing I never truly had it.

But then something shifted.

I started asking:

Who told me disappearing was holy?
Who told me obedience meant silence?
Who told me God was threatened by my wholeness?

And little by little, I began to realize something:

As Jen Hatmaker says in AWAKE:
​“I found Jesus again — the chill one.”

Not the rule-keeper.
Not the gate-keeper.
Not the shame-distributor.

But the Jesus who walked toward people, not away.
The Jesus who lifted heads, not lowered them.
The Jesus who brought people back to themselves.

This season has become my Awakening + Expansion

I’m simply learning to be
​a woman God created on purpose —
not a woman edited by fear.

And because so many of us are on this same journey…

I want to offer something gentle for your body and your mind. 🧘‍♀️

Something to meet you where you are.
Something that helps you reconnect with the God who made you whole from the beginning.

Next week — just before Thanksgiving — I’m sending you the first video in my new Mindset & Movement series.

10 minutes.
Grounding.
Simple.
Accessible.
Healing.

It’s called “Gratitude” — and it’s the perfect way to begin a holiday that often pulls us in a hundred directions. 🦃 🍽️ You can wake up on Thanksgiving morning, press play, and let your body exhale.

More videos will follow each week as we move toward Christmas — a full collection of 4: Gratitude, Calm, Nervous System Reset, Future Goodness.

I can’t wait for you to experience them.

With love,
B