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The Unplugging:
From Punishment (From Myself)

(Series 2 of 5 — The Unplugging Series)

It started as my dad’s voice. Then the church’s.
And somewhere along the way, it became my own.

For most of my life, I didn’t realize how deeply I was plugged into punishment.

It started with someone else’s voice — 🌬️
a dad who made fitness an idol,
who equated beauty with approval,
who demanded performance over peace.

And somewhere along the way,
I took that voice and made it my own.

That line became my internal soundtrack —
the hum beneath every workout, every to-do list, every silent apology.

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🩶 Unplugging from the Voice of Punishment

It wasn’t until I slowed down —
until I stopped striving —
that I realized how loud the punishment had become inside me. 🙉

I punished my body when it was tired.
I punished my emotions when they didn’t fit the narrative.
​I even punished my spirit for craving freedom and joy.

And I thought it was discipline.
I thought it was holiness.
​I thought it was love.

But it was never love.
It was control wrapped in fear.

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Somewhere in the quiet — in nature, in therapy,
in God’s gentler presence —
I began to see that the girl inside me didn’t need correction.
She needed care.

She needed someone to say,

That’s when I began unplugging from punishment —
not just from my dad’s expectations or the church’s demands,
but from my own.

Now, when that old voice rises up —
the one that calls me failure, or not enough —
I pause.
I breathe.
And I remind myself:

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Because freedom doesn’t come from perfection.
It comes from permission.

To feel.
To rest.
To begin again — gently.

🌻 Where We’re Headed Next

Over the next few weeks, I’ll share how this “unplugging”
has unfolded in other corners of my story —

• Fitness as Punishment → today’s story.
• Church and Pain → the next unraveling.
• Fear as Purity Culture → what so many of us were taught to carry.
• Becoming Whole → the slow, honest return home.

We’re all allowed to unplug from what hurt us —
and to reconnect with what heals.

Love, Brooke